I shouldn’t be alive.

My body should not be this strong.

I wonder if my pupils will ever be go back to their normal size.

Should I eat or do another hit?

Do you think Walgreen’s believes that I buy TB syringes for my diabetes?

What would happen to my Mom if this dose kills me?

What will people say at my funeral…will people lie and say I was a Christian?

Have you ever been so dehydrated that your penis leaked semen, I have…must drink water.

Would one of my paintings cause a drug dog to alert?

How come people that smoke meth are so sketchy?

I wonder if my boyfriend has gotten used to sleeping alone?

Why is there a marching band in my backyard?

I am never alone when I am high; the shadows keep me company.

I have a sharps container, does that mean I have a problem?

I think I will make buttered pasta because I can swallow it without chewing.

I wonder what concealer is closet to the color of my skin?

Will my track marks go away?

I just love to wear long sleeve shirts.

What is it about my eyes that tell Jason I am high?

If I weren’t so dehydrated I would cry.

Why does waiting on my drug dealer make the clock move so slowly?

I wonder if my body is trying to suck up water from my daily shower.

Why do I love going to Wal-Mart at 4 in the morning?

Is a dose that makes you vomit too strong or just strong enough?

Will I die a drug user?

Can I live my life as a recovered drug addict?

How long am I considered an addict?

Will I ever get this monkey off my back?

I need to get my GED.

I just took the GED exam and passed it on the first try.

I need to go to college.

I just graduated with a bachelors of science in business administration with a 3.96 GPA.

College was much easier sober.

I was using the first two semesters and had to withdrawal to get sober.

Day one of sobriety…if I lick these empty bags will I feel it?

Day two of sobriety…I feel like shit and I know the only cure!

Day three of sobriety… I am sad and I want to get high.

Day four of sobriety…why can’t I stop crying?

Day five of sobriety…I love sleeping for 14 hours a day.

Day six of sobriety…I am angry and I fucking hate you.

Day seven of sobriety… I am strong enough.

Day eight of sobriety…I am sad and I want to get high.

Day nine of sobriety… food glorious food!

Day ten of sobriety…I am leaving.

Day eleven of sobriety…where are my friends?

Day twelve of sobriety…if I just had one hit, I would feel better.

Day thirteen of sobriety…I feel better today

Day fourteen of sobriety…I have made it two weeks…the fear sets in.

I am becoming the cause and not the effect of my life.

Will the world like the sober me?

Jason only knows me as a user, will he love the sober me?

I wish I could paint.

Was my creativity honest or another benefit to being a drug user?

I am starting to love the clarity that comes with sobriety.

I love sleeping with my boyfriend at night.

I am getting stronger.

I want to get high.

I need to define my triggers.

Oh shit, my number one trigger is life.

I need to develop coping mechanisms.

My Mom is proud of my success and she appreciates my failures.

I wish I could paint.

I am living life with new-found clarity.

I haven’t thought about getting high for at least a day.

I think I am going to paint today.

Wow, have I been sober for five years.